I've got time.....

Gavin's with the grandparents and Blake and I are laying around watching TV at someone else's house. It has been OVER a month since I have laid on the couch with absolutely nothing to do. Nothing to unpack, nothing to clean, cook, nowhere to go, no phone calls to return, no house stuff going on. And wow, it feels great! Sorry Gavin, mama loves you, but it is so nice to have a break! You'll understand when you have a kiddo of your own, ha!

This weekend Blake and I have been able to reconnect. We haven't had time together in so long. We have had a couple date nights, but with the craziness of the past 3 months, they weren't relaxing dates. So, this weekend has been about US! Yesterday, we even both had time to ourselves. He went fishing and running, I went for a long walk and watched trashy reality TV. Today we went to church (I actually got to listen to the message instead of baby wrangling!), had lunch together, hiked 6 miles and had dinner together. I don't want the weekend to end!! We are ready for a week long vacation with just the 2 of us. It will have to be this summer because of the hospital move, but we definitely need a week of just us. When we go as long as we have without some serious quality time together, the relationship starts to wear down. Marriage requires maintenance! Quality time for us is key is keeping things running smoothly and happily.


Quality family time important for us too. "Our little family of three" requires maintenance--just like any other relationship. We need time where we can just play. No expectations on us, just to have fun. We try each day to have time like this. It's usually our time at the park, on our walk, and at bedtime. At bedtime we read Gavin's favorite stories, he reads to us, we all snuggle together, pray together and sleep together. Gavin then sings us all to bed--while I tell him to hush, shhh, GAVIN! It's time for bed!!


Lately, we've been wondering if and when we'll be expanding our family. I guess time will tell! Mainly, we are just focusing on what we want Gavin's life to look like as far as education, life experiences....we've been tossing around the idea of homeschooling for a couple of years, until he gets to high school. I think since we've been surrounded by homeschooled kiddos the past 7 years, seen them excel and adjust excellently to public high school--it's inspired us! We still have a couple of years to figure out what we're going to do for his "formal" education, and who knows what will happen between now and then! Since things have changed so drastically for us, we've started thinking out of the box, like, hmmm, ok, now what can we do? Why don't we save up some cash, travel the world for a year, and write about it! The world is such a big place--there is no limit to what we can do if we put our mind to it. We can work while we travel to keep the cash flow going....crushing grapes in France, milking goats for cheese in Italy, nannying in Australia...
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I HAVE TIME ON MY HANDS? I start dreaming!

Well, I won't have time to blog until we get back in a couple of weeks. Time for me to go to bed and keep dreaming!!

What's going on!

Pictures from the past couple months. There have been a couple times that I have forgotten my camera!!OR it's been hidden because Gavin gets ahold of it and takes his own pictures.
I can't believe it's almost April! Gavin and I are headed to Florida this week to visit Nana, PaPa, and the beach!
Right now we are living with Blake's dad. It's such a transition time for us--thankfully we have a place to stay while we figure out what's going on in our life!!
Who knows where God will lead us? The questions are insane right now and the answers are always "trust me." It' so hard not being in control~right?

Ok, so Blake and I are going out tonight, Gavin is with MaMa and PawPaw for the weekend--time to have to some much needed time together!



Family Pic in the old house...

So, I started this window painting/glazing project when I was pregnant..and I got halfway through and then started the rest of it after we listed the house. Then, the house sold really fast and I didn't have to finish it. I'm pretty sure that reinforces my procrastinating behavior!



More nighttime crazies!


We call this the Uncle Justin hair.

Rockstar hair.



What happens when Gavin takes his own picture, and it happens a lot.

Valentines present.



Who doesn' t love tiedye and plaid together!?

The three amigos at Shogun.



The business professional hair style.

Gavin's first camp trip!




Living with pawpaw!



Mini-road trip to Tulsa to see the amigos!

Moving on!

The house is sold! While I am so thankful not to have a mortgage, I miss our house so much. I don't miss all the stress it caused, but I do miss it being our home. It is just another loss that we have had to endure in a series of losses. Emotional, financial, physical loss. Loss=grief. I wonder what it will be like when we are older and we look back at this period of our life? I know we'll see things from a different perspective than we see them now. When you're in the middle of it all though, it makes you wonder if things are ever going to change!

Closing day was one of the most stressful days we have experienced--I think I aged about 5 years in just a few hours, ha! I wish that things would have been different, but they weren't. It's over, done with, in the past, and now it's time to move on :)

Gavin is getting so big! Potty trained, talking up a storm, being helpful, independent (strong willed goes along with that!) and he's such a great kiddo. We couldn't be more thankful for our little family. He is such a little ham. He LOVES being the center of attention, but he can be shy too. Next time I post, I'll post a bunch of pictures. I love teaching him and seeing his mind work. I get awakened with kisses every morning and by him putting my face in his hands and kissing me, while saying " Mommy, I eat. EAT MOMMY!!" ha!

We are looking forward to whatever good things God has in store for us: Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

The cats have gone on to another home. The first few days without them was hard, but now I am really, really relieved not to have the added responsibility of them tearing up Mike's house!!

It's crazy to be here right now, not knowing where we will live, what our work will be, but we have faith that it's all going to work out. It has so far. That doesn't mean that things are all sunshine and rainbows, but it means that we are growing and learning. Growing pains hurt!

Oh no, CRASH!!

Pictures first!


My niece Annabelle came to stay with us for a few nights recently. Gavin LOVES her and calls her Bull because he can't say Annabelle, ha!

Gavin's favorite toy of the moment. A vacuum. Auntie Cindy hooked him up with one after his very deliberate cleaning at Ireland's party, ha!

Gavin and Joseph, new formed friendship between the two guys!

Christmas in Piggott. Gavin got a train set from Judy for his birthday, but since it was so nice, we decided to let him open it at Christmas.

A thumbprint bruise from my first doula job! Can you believe I didn't even notice it until the next day?!

My first doula job for an awesome friend. What an amazing, incredible, 31 hours of no sleep experience!

My hippy child at Christmas. LOL

Granma Josie. We love her so much and her cooking!!

Botanical Gardens FM Holiday Market.

My sweet aunt Carol who got up with me at 5:30 am several Saturday's to help me set up in Fayetteville.

Remembering Granma on her birthday. This is one of my favorite pictures of her. The furniture she is sitting on is being passed down to me. It's so elegant, just like she was.

More Christmas shenanigans. I think he broke a few things.

Case in point with the vacuum. Gavin could barely contain himself with cleaning!

Lovely fall day playing in the leaves.

Gavin helping out in the kitchen. He cleans up the leftover granola. Hey, somebody's gotta do it!

One of my dearest friends got married!

A cousin got married!
Helping with the Christmas decorations





Wow, life sure has changed since Gavin's birthday party. His favorite thing to say is, "Oh no, Crash!" It's hilarious. Anytime something falls, or gets thrown, or even remotely makes a crash noise--this is what he says. It's kinda like what has happened the past year, and specifically the past few months: OH NO, CRASH!!!

Gavin is growing up! He amazes us everyday with how fast he is changing and maturing. He has a hilarious sense of humor (he likes to laugh at his own jokes) and can talk up a storm in Mandarin. Well, at least it seems like Mandarin because it's completely unintelligible when he goes off on one of his talking tangents. His vocabulary is huge and his memory is incredible. He has a little of Blake's personality and a little of mine.

And my goodness, this boy can eat! He's always been a big guy, but he is eating us out of house and home. This is what he had today: Breakfast: 2 eggo waffles, a bowl of cereal and a PB&J sandwich. Lunch: Applesauce, popcorn, big bowl of oatmeal. Dinner: bowl of spaghetti with meat sauce, more popcorn, and 2 big glasses of milk!! He weighs 36 pounds and he is super tall at 39"!

He knows some of his colors, can do some counting, and can identify pretty much anything you ask him.

The time of my baby growing up is happening. Although, he still refers to himself as "baby." HA! He will say "baby wants to eat" "baby go night night".

He is such a good kid! He is a good listener and obeys well. He will, of course, act out like any toddler does, but overall he is super easy to raise. "He's pretty amazing" were the words just out of Blake's mouth. I love that!

Speaking of Blake, during the past few months, his position was elimiated at the hospital. They offered him a part-time position in rehab, at a 70% pay cut. Needless to say, this has been quite a blow to us. It seems at this point though, that we have adapted to this new financial situation. In the beginning, it was tough. We had moments of "Oh my gosh, what are we going to DO?!" Panic stricken moments of, how are we going to pay our bills? Are we going to lose our house? And we still have moments like that. Looking back, we can see how God had us already taken care of! I'm thankful that the new car we were planning on purchasing didn't happen. We're thankful for the generosity our family has shown us by helping us out. We're thankful for the support our friends have shown, and how our church family has prayed for and supported us.

Blake has applied for jobs all over the country and we are still holding onto hope that his position will be reinstated eventually.

Our house is now for sale. We have invested a lot of money into this little bungalow, but it's time for us to move on. It has been our first real "home" together. That part is going to be hard for me. We have had amazing memories here, and some truly awful ones. But, that's what life is, right? The substance of our time is made up of moments of joy, sorrow, happyness, discontent, exhilaration, and everything in between. It will be a bittersweet move whenever it sells (and soon!)
http://www.sandersonrealtors.com/listings.asp MLS#648199

The granola business is doing great. I just love it!! I'm thrilled for this year's market season. I truly believe I have found my little niche in the business world that I have been contemplating for the past 10 years!! That is another change in our life, is that I will be selling at the Fayetteville market and will be gone 22 hours a week from home. That doesn't include the 15-20 hours of baking and packaging I will be doing too. It doesn't even feel like work since I love it so much.

The holidays were good. We spent time with the family that uplifts us and brings us joy. It won't ever, ever be the same without the two most important women in our life gone. There are moments when grief hits you like a slap across the face, and during the holidays we felt that more intensely. There are days where I am still in denial about our losses. I actually have to remind myself that it's real. Blake misses his mom so much. There really are no words to describe how your life is forever changed.

So, here we are in 2012. Our family goals for this year are to: Get healthier! Pay off bills and build up our emergency fund. Travel a little. Spend as much time together as possible. Spend less by not buying retail and by shopping more thrift type stores. Quit enabling negativity in our life, and enabling each other to make better choices. Cook new recipes together. Grow closer spiritually. Weed out the junk in our life!!

Until next time I get the chance to blog,
We wish you peace, love and joy!!

Thankful for Thanksgiving

There is so much to be thankful for! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is spent with a lot of the Thorne family which is always crazy fun. We have a tradition where each of us goes around the table(s) and says what we are thankful for in the past year. We have the annual Turkey Bowl (the flag football game), board games--mainly Taboo, and lots of desserts. Just imagine 30+ Thorne's playing Taboo! It gets LOUD and crazy!! I love it!

I'd say that most of all Blake and I are thankful for each other and Gavin. Our lives have changed significantly this year, and will be changing in the coming months. Throughout all that we have our little family-- which is stronger today than it ever has been. Not that our strength brings any more ease to life, but the way we function is closer. Our strength is not of ourselves at all, but by God's grace. In the past year we have been thankful for the joy we have experienced and we have been thankful for the sorrow (now THAT is the hard one--and not something that comes first nature for me!) When we hug and kiss our boy we are so grateful we have him. I know that his presence has given us the focus to not dwell on ourselves (so much) and to keep going.

We wish Carol were here to see how wonderful he is, for her to spoil him rotten, and to give us that motherly comfort we need during this time. (We all still need our mom's!!) We wish G-ma was here so we could call her on her birthday after Thanksgiving and plan our reunion for New Years. I wish Uncle Alan was here so I could have visited him in California too. Even though they aren't here, I can't help but think of Thanksgiving's past and be happy we had that time. Life is a vapor, a minutiae of time, a speck, and fragile. So for today and this moment of time, I am thankful for another day of thanks giving!!!

Gavin's 2nd Birthday!!!

Gavin on his birthday!!!




First house we went to and he started in on the candy!



My mom paid him a visit on his birthday. He loves his granma!



Ready to tackle the neighborhood!


Opening presents! He would freak out with each one, it was hilarious!




Gavin was having too much fun beating the horse, and you can see by his lips he is saying Nooooo to Luke who wants a turn.



The most.amazing.cake. ever!!!


More pinata beating!


The birthday boys!!


I think this was one of his favorite things!


He rode the horse all by himself. I couldn't believe it!





My little cowboy!!


Granpa came to the party and Gavin was SO happy to see him! He loves Granpa!


We had mustaches for the kids. Of course, the adults had to get some stache action on too! LOL


Rachel put together a clothesline of pictures of the boys from newborn to just a couple weeks ago.


The one of Gavin biting Luke's ear had everyone laughing.





We had a surprise baby shower for my cousin and this is the diaper cake I made. It has a bottle of champagne in the middle of it as a surprise!




Happy Birthday to my sweet little man. You are so loving, tender-hearted, sweet, funny, crazy, strong, intelligent, stubborn and wonderful!!

Gavin's birthday was so much fun. He had a joint party with his cousin Luke who is 5 days older than he is. They loved playing together with their pop guns, beating the pinata, eating cake together and opening presents.

This birthday was not easy for us. Initially, we weren't planning on having a big party. There was just no way that we were emotionally up to it. So, my amazing cousin Rachel said she would plan most of it and that was just fine with us. Well, a couple months ago I started to get involved in the party planning and felt like I was in a place where I could actually do something to contribute. I didn't do much, but at least I was able to pitch in and help her. She did an amazing job on the party. I can't even describe how much she worked on this thing, AND she is 35 weeks pregnant with her 3rd baby, AND works part-time as a nurse on the night shift!! I'm telling you, she is incredible!

It really was a wonderful day to spend with the family. I've learned that it's never going to be the perfect family I envision, but it's going to be enough to fill my heart with joy and love. Blake and I wish so badly that his mom could have been there. It's hard to think that this is the first of many of Gavin's parties she won't be at physically, but in spirit, we know she is with us. Last year, his party was the last time we saw her. Sometimes I wonder why it was that day and I feel bitter about it. A day that is meant to be a celebration, now has a sad memory to go along with it. But then, after I process that, I am amazed at the sovereignty of God and how He planned for us to be able to enjoy and celebrate with her on Gavin's 1st birthday. He didn't take her home before the party or at the party, but He gave us that day with her. And that makes me happy and joyful!

It's also hard not to hear G-ma's voice telling Gavin what a sweetie he is on his birthday. My heart hurts every day and sometimes I wonder how I can go on without her.

Thank you Blake for being the best daddy Gavin could have. Thank you God for blessing us with Gavin. Thank you family and friends for loving Gavin so much!!