Vacation and 2013 and musings on life....

We are on a vacation, of sorts. Not the beach, or Italy, or some exotic locale, but still I consider it a vacation. Anything that gets you away from it all, where you relax, read books, go for long walks, lay around and watch movies and TV, I consider a vacation! It's wonderful to be outside and it's 65 degrees in the winter!! Tomorrow it's supposed to get a little bit chiller, but for now, I'm blogging outside and watching Gavin dig in the dirt and play soccer. He's really great about playing by himself. He doesn't need me to constantly entertain him, he never has. He's happy just being outside kicking around a ball, using his imagination with his trucks and wagons. He's definitely into exploring and being independent which is wonderful. It has allowed me to do things that I wouldn't be able to if he constantly demanded to be entertained. I think a lot of children in this era of technology, video games, Ipads and other objects that limit their creativity are growing up without the experience of true childhood. I'm not saying that he never plays with technology, but we definitely limit it. Blake and I both want him to grow up with memories of playing in the dirt, not playing on the computer. He has time for all of that when he gets older. Right now, in fact, he told me he has to do his job. I said, what job is that? He said, I have to load these bricks into my wagon and unload them "over there." ha! That sounds like a great job for a 3 year old little boy to do. He is currently stacking them up into a tower, reloading them, wheeling them around, and finding another location for them.

I'm enjoying catching up on the blog in the sunshine and watching him "work."

Normally for the new year I like to make resolutions. I feel as if the past several years I have undergone a transformation. It's been an emotionally twisted barrel roller coaster for 3 years. Up and Down at every turn. What I have learned from that are these things:

 1)Life will not go as we plan it. (duh!). In fact, planning it is a waste of time. We're telling God that hey, we can handle our lives, we just need You to give us some blessings every now and then and we're good.

 2)God has a plan, even in our darkest days and hours that plan is there--in fact, we're told to rejoice in our suffering because when we do, it brings us closer to God. Now, have I rejoiced always? No! I'm only human. I look at Paul who spent years and years in jail, and yet, he was still able to write to the churches about his love for God, his love for the church and his knowledge that all was going according to plan. Paul's suffering was not even on his mind--the edification of the saints and then spreading of the gospel was!

3)I've learned to cherish moments and people in a deeper way that goes beyond the superficial and into my soul, into my being. The existence I lead no longer carries taking anything for granted, at least that is on the forefront of my mind.

4)People come and go from your life in seasons. When you see glimpses of a person you no longer can trust, it's time to relinquish that relationship. I feel no ill will towards those people, but a relief that the burden of judgement is gone, and the peace that releasing toxic people in your life can bring.

5)You never know what each day will bring, and I'm getting to a place where I am beginning to be ok with that. God teaches me everyday, something new, it could be any of these possibilities: A new perspective, a new lesson, a new way to understand our grief, a new way to change my former thinking, a new way to help someone in need, a glimpse of creativity that needs to be explored, a way to put myself last and others first, a way to show love to someone that needs it, and a way to love myself better and in a more exact way.  

These are just a few musings on my life at the moment. I don't want them coming off holier-then-thou or prideful, because that isn't the purpose. The blessings of having a child, a husband who is not only your best friend but your constant companion and love, and the love of the Lord through all these years is the climax of life at this moment. It's hard to put into words the many gifts God has given me through these transformative years. The battle between my self and faith carries on daily. Like I said before, I'm not perfect, I'm far from it, but I'm willing to admit my pride in the face of God and ask him to continue to mold me through these days.

Now, back to some relaxation time, it is vacation after all.

Oh Dear Gavin.....

You are a dancing fool and I love it. Storytime at the library is about listening, not dancing and showing off. I'm sure the parents had an amazing time watching your breakdance moves and didn't expect a performance, but they got one. You make me laugh when all of a sudden you'll say to me, such as you did at story time, "Mommy, I just gotta dance!" It's your happiness on the inside that makes you dance on the outside. Plus, it helps that you're an extremely talented athlete to do the types of moves you do. I gotta brag on you kiddo...never seen a toddler swing a golf club like you or play soccer like you do. What 2 year old can run 2 miles?! Music is in your genes and in your soul...Dance is...well, not quite in your genes, but apparently your Daddy has been teaching you some things when I am away at Market. You get down and boogie like no other kiddo I have seen!! You have been rocking out since you were an itty bitty thing. It makes us happy to see you so musically inclined, and also so kinesthetically aware. You get that from your daddy too. 

Right now is a magical age for you. You love animals and medical emergencies. You show up with a stethoscope and band aids even when they aren't needed. You say that you want to be a doctor, and then in the next breath you say you want to be a pig. You're convinced we have a farm in the backyard, and you like to have deep conversations about love. You love cake, carrots, milk, black cherry juice, organic food, chicken numnuts, people, Jesus, church, Turtleman, Bigfoot, Spiderman and you can repeat almost every line in the movie Garfield. I wish I could list everything you like!! You also like cash. In fact, if you have a dollar on you, you're convinced you can buy anything, but most of all you just like to have "cash." Grandpa BoBo must be rubbing off on you because he likes cash too :)

You're smart. You don't give up on a puzzle until it's done and when it's done, you can do it again in seconds. You have a way of observing that is just like your daddy, too. Eyes like a hawk. You're inquisitive and you like a real answer. I talk to you like an adult, and you get what I'm saying. I love your intelligence!!!
 
You still sleep with us, most of the time, which means we don't sleep a lot. But we do lot of cuddling. You like the same songs sang to you at bedtime every night and you tell me you want "nunuls" which means snuggles. Daddy and Mommy are your best friends, but then, so is Gracie and Papa, MawMaw and PawPaw, Joe, Jayden and Luke.

Right now little buddy, things are tough. You've had the flu, ear infections, you need tubes and possibly another surgery. Daddy's been sick, mommy is dealing with a chronic illness that has changed life drastically, and our life is not what we pictured it would be at this time in your life. You don't know the difference though. When you were born, we were on top of the world! "Things" may have crumbled underneath us, but you're still our world. You're still the most important person in our life and you always will be. You've taught us so much and continue to do so everyday. We're trying to protect you from what our reality is right now, and to lay a foundation for you that keeps you secure in who you are so that you grow up to be the best you that you can be.

You're stubborn, strong willed, and when you set your mind to something, we can't change it. We let you go with your flow. You have rules and boundaries to follow, but we also give you the opportunity to do what it is that has entered your mind. Your thoughts are your own and your imagination is incredible. So, sometimes, we just have to let you do your thing and figure it out on your own. When you do, and the lightbulb goes off in your brain, WOW, what a beautiful thing that is to see.

We love you forever and ever, to the moon and back........