At any given moment....

I am angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, helpless, sad, happy, relaxed, stressed, anxious, in denial, lonely, depressed,
numb, paranoid, pissed off, miserable, at peace, exhausted, thinking that things effing suck, and in pain....through all this I know there is a plan; however, it does not make any of these emotions easier. It breaks my heart that there is nothing I can do other than listen, love and just BE for Blake. I don't want our lives to change..I don't want things to be different--it's not fair. We don't want to celebrate the holidays, we don't want to cook dinner or clean. Blake doesn't want to go to work, but he HAS to...he has to put one foot in front of the other and just take it day by day--moment by moment. I don't want to do anything. I have to force myself to get dressed each day. I have been signing up for lots of playgroup activities lately. Who knows if I will make them or cancel. I really don't know what the day will hold until I get in that moment. I have a child to care for though, so there are the very basic things that HAVE to get done. I don't want to go to sleep at night because I am pretty sure one of us will wake up dead or needing to go the hospital.
At this moment, I know that Mom C. would want us to go on and be happy, live our lives and be happy and at peace that we will see her again. But at this moment, it's really hard.

"I will rise"

This is the song that we played at Carol's funeral during the slideshow (well, half of her slideshow..they didn't finish it because the music stopped--oh well, it played continously before the funeral and at the visitation, but it is still hard for me to accept right now!!).

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zf7t3P9ISrE

Dr. E.V. Hill

I discovered this preacher about 3 months ago as I was driving to Fayetteville listening to 89.3, BOTT radio network. They have a lot of shows on family...I don't listen to them all the time but sometimes I have heard some great things.

One of these was the message that Dr. E.V. Hill preached at his wife's funeral. I was so intrigued by his voice that I wrote down his name. I have kept it in my car ever since last week when I remembered the sermon.

The thing that stuck with me most was "Trust Me". If you listen to the message, you'll figure out why! LOL He REALLY gets into it.
It's not your typical long, baptist sermon--it's only about 20 minutes long and there are a couple very funny parts!!

http://devoteddads.wordpress.com/2008/03/20/dr-ev-hill-preaching-his-wifes-funeralgreat-testimony/

I'm posting it from this blog because it has both parts together and easy to find.

Blake's dad listened to it tonight..it really is such an encouraging message to hear when someone close to you dies.

I believe that I heard this sermon when I needed to and it was brought back to mind when it needed to be. I shared it with Blake and it was just what he needed to hear too.

Ok, enough pressure! Let me know if you listen to it and your thoughts :)

Otherwise, hug everyone you love tonight an extra time and let's prepare to give thanks this week!

Things are difficult to put into words right now...

We are still in shock and somewhat denial that Carol (Blake's mom) has so suddenly passed away. I don't think we can quite describe or express all of our feelings. We do know though, that through all of this, she is in heaven right now and she is filled with such joy. On top of all this grief and mourning all 3 of us are sick. Blake and I have flu-like symptoms and Gavin has a bad cold. So, things are difficult right now..we'll get through it, but we don't know how right now.

Revelation 21:4

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Happy Birthday Gavin!!!

The gag face!!! LOL

He wanted to share his cake with everyone.


Ivey helping out. Every one year old needs an older friend to help open presents!











Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that I forgot to hand out to most people!

I made a scrapbook for him, a photo album chronicling his first year, a baby book, and everyone signed a mat for his birthday photo.

What a great party!! He had so much fun and did so well being up 8 hours without a nap. He loves all of his presents that he got from his sweet friends and family.
Funny moments of the party: He snuggled with Gary and with other students and he usually doesn't do that.
The first bite of cake he gagged on it and the last bite he gagged too. Too much sugar!!!
Ripping open the wrapping paper with gusto and then dancing to the music of his new toy.
Fran mistaking wax paper for parchment paper and burning one of the appetizers 30 minutes before the party. DOH!


Happy 1st Birthday, Gavin!! We love you :)