Christmas 2012.

Today is Christmas. We've had a wonderful day and had a good trip this past weekend to visit Blake's grandparents. Unfortunately, a few days before we left, Blake got news that one of his best friends had passed away. The memorial service was wonderful, a celebration of how truly amazing this man was. His generosity, his passion for people with disabilities, his quirky sense of humor..we will truly miss him in our lives and I know there is a huge hole in Blake's heart without him here now. We have now lost 4 close people to us in almost 3 years.  Which seems like a lot, because each one of those people played a role in our life that can't be replaced. Grief is a strange thing when you experience it for so long. Each one is a shock, of course, but......there is a numbness that you experience that clouds life. It's difficult to explain. Throw in a job loss, being forced to sell your house, and then the deaths of your most near and dear and it's hard, it's so hard on your heart..and maybe all of this is coming because we just lost such an integral part of us again. We are thankful that we'll see them again! That's the hope we have through Christ! It doesn't mean that it makes it easier right now, but it doesn't leave us hope-less. It doesn't mean it gets easier, it just gets different. My heart hurts for my dear husband and the losses he has suffered, because he has suffered the most. He is a strong, patient, insightful, longsuffering, deeply spiritual, and well, there really are not enough words to describe how he handles his grief, his stress and his losses.He strives to honor God in everything he does. I wish I could be more like him. I'm sad, so sad, his buddy of 8 years is gone.

Christmas has been wonderful. We have a great day together and I have enjoyed cooking for the family today. I'm going to cook dinner tonight and a pie. Gavin racked up from his relatives, Daddy and Mommy bought him a new bike, Papa bought him his helmet. He was in shock when he saw his bike, and I don't think he knew how to react. ha! It was really funny. He also wanted a trash truck, like, it was really funny, he really, really wanted a trash truck LOL! So, I found one on Christmas Eve at Wal-Mart on our way home from Piggott. When I put it in the trunk, he heard it, it went off like crazy and he goes, "did you buy me a new toy?!!" And I was thinking, ok, don't panic and don't give it away, distract the child! ha! I said, "wellll, hmmm, here's some m&m's!" That's worked.

Papa got a new dog for Christmas, her name is Gracie, she is a 3 year old Basset Hound and she is so so so sweet. Very quiet and loving. Carol's sister Cindy raises basset's and Gracie was her first dog that birthed puppies. She is a cutie, but she doesn't like to have her picture taken!!

Brad, will be forever missed. His death was sudden and unexpected. An absolutely incredible person--who touched so many lives, there really is no way to describe how he helped the Siloam community. I wish I could describe everything, but everything is sacred.

BoBo and Josie. They've been married almost 67 years!

I thought this looked angelic. Just a reminder that Carol was with us in Piggott.

Sara, Blake's cousin. Jay was in our wedding as our ring bearer! Now he is 13!! The little blondie is Emma.

Cindy is Carol's sister, the girls are Blake's second cousins.

GG doing a lot of cooking for the family Christmas dinner. She is the best cook!!!

My sweets finally gets to relax in Piggott. I love it that he had a few days off.

Uncle Walter, Aunt Cindy's husband. Such a great man, along with Cindy, they too have lost many close to them in a short period of time. From children, siblings, to a best friend. Always a joy to be with them.

Grandpa BoBo is doing his job of "taking up the ice." When we left, he had to go to the hospital and be hospitalized for pneumonia and fever. We're praying he can be released soon.

Presents in Piggott!

I bought this adorable knitted Razorback hat at the Farmer's Market for Gavin and Daddy decided to wear it. ha!

Christmas Day today in Fayetteville. Look at that sweet, adorable face!!

The love of my life, right there! Couldn't get through what we've been through without each other.

Gracie! She is a sweetie.


So, what will 2013 bring? 2012 was a year of extreme change. Change on a crazy, crazy level. I'm predicting 2013 could hold some crazy change too. :)

Oh Gavin!

Things Gavin has been saying lately:

Oh, Gorsh (Oh, Gosh) after everything!!! I think he got if after watching too much Goofy. Example, "My hot wheel cars are here, oh gorsh!"

"This toy is a piece of junk" Which it probably is because we've been getting him some toys lately at the thrift store LOL

"Mommy and Daddy are my best phriends"

Last night we went driving around looking at the "Chrikmas" lights, and the old song, "I saw mama kissing Santa Claus", you know that one that's sung by that annoying little kid's voice? Well, it came on and he goes in a loud voice, "What's that noise? WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!!" ha! We were all cracking up and had to explain to him it was a little kid singing. He didn't believe us.

A couple days ago my mom was talking passionately about something and Gavin interrupted and said, shaking his finger, "No, NO, No, that is not right mawmaw! Jesus says...." and then he went off on a tangent about something that we couldn't understand at all. It was hilarious...I just told him, Preach it son!

He's been announcing his farts lately. So when we went to the co-op (Ozark Natural Foods) he farted and said "mommy, I arted in the oo-op!" thankfully, he can't pronounce a few things yet so no one understood except me. I told him we keep those things to ourselves when we are out in public.

We were at the co-op a couple days ago, and he pushes a mini-cart which he loves to do. Every time someone was in his way he would say, "Scuse me, Sanks Yous" and of course everyone thought it was adorable. But he said it about 100 times. He also fills up his cart with things he things we need, which we don't like something I've never heard of and I'll say no, honey, we don't need that and he'll say, mommy, yes, yes, we need this, we really do. Then it takes about 5 minutes for me to explain why we don't need it and then he understands ok, we really don't need this. 

It's getting chilly out and he's refusing to wear anything but short sleeves with gloves and his john deer hat. O, and sometimes a wash cloth on his head as he walks out the door. Don't ask me why, it's just Gavin. Ha! Apparently, his daddy used to do that when he was little, so it's genetic!

We've figured out why he thinks he's still a baby. He calls everything small, baby. Like a baby spoon, or a baby cup or a baby fish. So, because he's smaller than us, he still refers to himself as a baby. Sometimes he'll say he's a big boy, but mostly he's a baby!

He repeats EVERYTHING we say now. Which is hilarious. because he does it to strangers too. He's such a ham.

When he gets disappointed his voice his really sad and he says awwwwww, starts high and then goes really low. It's so sad and funny at the same time.

Meatballs!

Tonight, Blake and I are going to a newly single dad's house and teaching him how to cook for his son. Tonight on the menu is my variation of Italian meatballs with lots of veggies hidden in them, and kids LOVE them!! I'm going to make him a simple recipe book of easy and healthy things to cook in big batches for his little guy so he can freeze them and then pull it out, whippety snap!

Not only have we seen first hand how devastating divorce is for one of our best friends, but also how it's affected his 4 year old. It isn't easy and it brings back memories of when I was a kid going through a similar situation. 

Our friend has taught us a lot too. He's been a wonderful source of comfort for Blake, a spiritual brother, a Godly man who they can talk about Jesus, music, Bigfoot, everything and anything under the sun. I'm just there hanging out with the guys and loving it!!

I'll post the recipe once I get it typed up. It's a variation from the Joy of Cooking (my all-time fave cooking book!)

It's winter break!!!

Well, the first season of the Fayetteville Farmer's Market is over. Whew. As much as I love my granola, love the market, love my customers, and have so much fun doing it, I am SO glad for a break. I average 60-80 hours a week of work on the business. In between those times, I have housework, homeschool, playing with Gavin, errands to run, you know, the typical homemaking responsibilities. This winter I will work on streamlining the bookkeeping process, getting costs down for ingredients, marketing, and doing all of the administrative stuff I couldn't get to during the year. The first 5 years for a small business is crucial, and I'm not counting last year since there was no comparison to this year. I absolutely LOVE my Saturday's on the square. It is my dream. Well, my dream is just starting, but I love being outdoors, watching the sun rise on the square, the comradarie of the farmers and vendors, my regulars coming by every Saturday...love.
I would not have made it without the amazing support of Blake, my helper in the kitchen, lil G, and my awesome friends who have helped me in so many ways!! It's been an AMAZING year!!
I hope during the winter season that I can update the blog too. I have so many pictures to add of Gavin and his adventures!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Gavin!!!

Happy Birthday to the littlest love of our lifes, sweet Gavin Phares!! Quite the personality. Loves to wear Christmas socks year round, is obsessed with Cars, Trucks and Things that Go, announces in public places when he farts, loves to clean and organize, build trains and towers, and tells us every day that he loves his mommy and daddy and that Jesus is in his heart. I could go on and on about how awesome he is, but we'll never forget the day of his birth, our labor experience and how perfect it was thanks to God's design and Janessa Craig's help. Blake and I still marvel at what a perfect birth experience it was for us and how much we enjoyed his coming into the world. Happy Birthday sweet one!!

 Now, off to work on his party!

I've been trying, as usual!!!

I have lots and lots of pictures, lots and lots of news and lots I want to share. I think I am going to go to a Starbucks or Arsagas and work on the blog soon. Gavin messed up the letter "h" so it's really hard to get it to press, ha!
We are on month 9 of living with Blake's dad. Things may be on the upside soon, but they may not be either.

So, until I get a moment of time to myself : 40-80 hours a week of the granola business from home and farmer's market, taking care of the family, cooking, cleaning, toddler, chronic health problems and the endless obligations that any mom deals with on a regular basis, blogging hasn't been a priority, BUT, farmer's market season is almost over, and I am SO looking forward to some down time!!!

It's been a really long time!

Too long since I blogged...hopefully I will find some time soon. Gavin has the best one-liners that I have been wanting to document but just don't long on to blogger as much. Soon, readers (if there are any left! LOL) soon...

Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey! And of course other deep thoughts with Fran, lol!

I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.”

“I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.”

“The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?”

What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that makes you want to get drunk?”

“When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.”

“Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.”

“To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, Hey, can you give me a hand? You can say, Sorry, got these sacks

“Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.”

“If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real embarrassing if someone tries to kill you

“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to DisneyLand, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "DisneyLand burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real DisneyLand, but it was getting pretty late

{OMG!!!!!}Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of it's head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done!"

"You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea"

Oh dear, all of these make me laugh so hard..I LOVE Jack Handey...I love the randomness of it and the ridiculousness of his humour. I've been trying to laugh more because I truly feel that laughter is God's gift to heal our grieving. It's not the only gift, of course, but the more you laugh, that deep, hearty, feel good, can hardly contain yourself laugh can do nothing for you but add life and positivity to a life.
We have several friends who are separating, divorcing. and are completely unhappy; I don't know all the back ground but there did seem to be a point where having "fun" couple time vanished for them. Marriage is the foundation of the family. God comes first, then Husband and Wife and then the children. I think its very important for children to know that mommy and daddy have their time to connect when they get home from work before they enter the picture. (put on a movie, start a game, coloring book, whatever! Just so that y'all can catch up!)
after that, have as much family time as you want! Blake and I try to spend about 20 minutes just snuggling no matter whats on the stove or what needs to be done; that is OUR time. Does it happen every night? Of course not! But that's what we strive for.
Back to our friends, all we can do is support them, be there when they need to talk, be there when they need to hang, baby sit when we can so they can work through issues. But, we have to have our boundaries where we are supporting but not enabling.
I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of my g-ma's death. This past weekend last year was the last time I talked to her. I should've listened to my instinct and gone down there immediately after her surgery. For all purposes, things were looking well after surgery, and then all of a sudden it went down hill. I had plans to leave on Tuesday morning and she passed on Tuesday afternoon. Grief is not something you "get over" it's something you go through. I've had so many people be there for me, and some people try to "relate" to what I've gone through. There really is no relating. Someone can't relate to losing 3 close family members in a year and a half, a job loss, selling your home at a significant financial loss, grieving for the loss of my home (even though I still hate those plumbing problems!!) moving in with an inlaw, grieving for my husband's mother, grieving for my g-ma who was the mother figure in my life, grieving for the loss of my parent's house, and coping with the loss of my father in law while he grieves for his wife. There is no relating. There is sympathy, but no relating to any of that.
I've had numerous conversations and in depth discussions with my mentor about sympathy, empathy, self absorption, moving on, forgiveness, and the grace of Jesus. Life is hard. This is THE hardest time of our life. No doubt about it. We'll always have the Rock of Ages to lean on, the prayer too, to cover us with mercy and forgiveness and to guide us through these times. 20 years from now we'll know that we've clung to our family, to our God, to our friends, our church family and to do the things that bring us calm.

I'll be heading to Dallas for a wedding I am assisting/coordinating with, and then jetting off to Cabo San Lucas! I'll be gone about 9 days. I'm super excited, especially since I've been working 50-55 hours a week, and that's just for granola!! Not that I'm complaining, because I'm paying my dues to grow this business. I'm just exhausted taking care of the house, the business, our friends and everything else that life entails! Y'all know what I'm talking about!

Until next time, God Bless, and please pray for for whatever moves you in our situation!

Pictures

Shelling pecans! my two helpers...love it


Owen and Gav...best little buds

Kids like granola!



Gavin's first haircut!




Hanging out with cousins!




Road trip to Tulsa..poor Meg was squished between the boys, ha!




The company car

LOVE the new look!!





It's a family biz!



Turpentine Creek...oh, how that was a disaster..no nap for Gavin, lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Good thing his arm didn't get bitten off here...wow...

This cat was staring Gavin down!!!!


It's a Liger. This thing was HUGE!