Coming Soon......

I will be adding pictures soon of the G-man. I've got some great ones!!

Vacation and 2013 and musings on life....

We are on a vacation, of sorts. Not the beach, or Italy, or some exotic locale, but still I consider it a vacation. Anything that gets you away from it all, where you relax, read books, go for long walks, lay around and watch movies and TV, I consider a vacation! It's wonderful to be outside and it's 65 degrees in the winter!! Tomorrow it's supposed to get a little bit chiller, but for now, I'm blogging outside and watching Gavin dig in the dirt and play soccer. He's really great about playing by himself. He doesn't need me to constantly entertain him, he never has. He's happy just being outside kicking around a ball, using his imagination with his trucks and wagons. He's definitely into exploring and being independent which is wonderful. It has allowed me to do things that I wouldn't be able to if he constantly demanded to be entertained. I think a lot of children in this era of technology, video games, Ipads and other objects that limit their creativity are growing up without the experience of true childhood. I'm not saying that he never plays with technology, but we definitely limit it. Blake and I both want him to grow up with memories of playing in the dirt, not playing on the computer. He has time for all of that when he gets older. Right now, in fact, he told me he has to do his job. I said, what job is that? He said, I have to load these bricks into my wagon and unload them "over there." ha! That sounds like a great job for a 3 year old little boy to do. He is currently stacking them up into a tower, reloading them, wheeling them around, and finding another location for them.

I'm enjoying catching up on the blog in the sunshine and watching him "work."

Normally for the new year I like to make resolutions. I feel as if the past several years I have undergone a transformation. It's been an emotionally twisted barrel roller coaster for 3 years. Up and Down at every turn. What I have learned from that are these things:

 1)Life will not go as we plan it. (duh!). In fact, planning it is a waste of time. We're telling God that hey, we can handle our lives, we just need You to give us some blessings every now and then and we're good.

 2)God has a plan, even in our darkest days and hours that plan is there--in fact, we're told to rejoice in our suffering because when we do, it brings us closer to God. Now, have I rejoiced always? No! I'm only human. I look at Paul who spent years and years in jail, and yet, he was still able to write to the churches about his love for God, his love for the church and his knowledge that all was going according to plan. Paul's suffering was not even on his mind--the edification of the saints and then spreading of the gospel was!

3)I've learned to cherish moments and people in a deeper way that goes beyond the superficial and into my soul, into my being. The existence I lead no longer carries taking anything for granted, at least that is on the forefront of my mind.

4)People come and go from your life in seasons. When you see glimpses of a person you no longer can trust, it's time to relinquish that relationship. I feel no ill will towards those people, but a relief that the burden of judgement is gone, and the peace that releasing toxic people in your life can bring.

5)You never know what each day will bring, and I'm getting to a place where I am beginning to be ok with that. God teaches me everyday, something new, it could be any of these possibilities: A new perspective, a new lesson, a new way to understand our grief, a new way to change my former thinking, a new way to help someone in need, a glimpse of creativity that needs to be explored, a way to put myself last and others first, a way to show love to someone that needs it, and a way to love myself better and in a more exact way.  

These are just a few musings on my life at the moment. I don't want them coming off holier-then-thou or prideful, because that isn't the purpose. The blessings of having a child, a husband who is not only your best friend but your constant companion and love, and the love of the Lord through all these years is the climax of life at this moment. It's hard to put into words the many gifts God has given me through these transformative years. The battle between my self and faith carries on daily. Like I said before, I'm not perfect, I'm far from it, but I'm willing to admit my pride in the face of God and ask him to continue to mold me through these days.

Now, back to some relaxation time, it is vacation after all.

Oh Dear Gavin.....

You are a dancing fool and I love it. Storytime at the library is about listening, not dancing and showing off. I'm sure the parents had an amazing time watching your breakdance moves and didn't expect a performance, but they got one. You make me laugh when all of a sudden you'll say to me, such as you did at story time, "Mommy, I just gotta dance!" It's your happiness on the inside that makes you dance on the outside. Plus, it helps that you're an extremely talented athlete to do the types of moves you do. I gotta brag on you kiddo...never seen a toddler swing a golf club like you or play soccer like you do. What 2 year old can run 2 miles?! Music is in your genes and in your soul...Dance is...well, not quite in your genes, but apparently your Daddy has been teaching you some things when I am away at Market. You get down and boogie like no other kiddo I have seen!! You have been rocking out since you were an itty bitty thing. It makes us happy to see you so musically inclined, and also so kinesthetically aware. You get that from your daddy too. 

Right now is a magical age for you. You love animals and medical emergencies. You show up with a stethoscope and band aids even when they aren't needed. You say that you want to be a doctor, and then in the next breath you say you want to be a pig. You're convinced we have a farm in the backyard, and you like to have deep conversations about love. You love cake, carrots, milk, black cherry juice, organic food, chicken numnuts, people, Jesus, church, Turtleman, Bigfoot, Spiderman and you can repeat almost every line in the movie Garfield. I wish I could list everything you like!! You also like cash. In fact, if you have a dollar on you, you're convinced you can buy anything, but most of all you just like to have "cash." Grandpa BoBo must be rubbing off on you because he likes cash too :)

You're smart. You don't give up on a puzzle until it's done and when it's done, you can do it again in seconds. You have a way of observing that is just like your daddy, too. Eyes like a hawk. You're inquisitive and you like a real answer. I talk to you like an adult, and you get what I'm saying. I love your intelligence!!!
 
You still sleep with us, most of the time, which means we don't sleep a lot. But we do lot of cuddling. You like the same songs sang to you at bedtime every night and you tell me you want "nunuls" which means snuggles. Daddy and Mommy are your best friends, but then, so is Gracie and Papa, MawMaw and PawPaw, Joe, Jayden and Luke.

Right now little buddy, things are tough. You've had the flu, ear infections, you need tubes and possibly another surgery. Daddy's been sick, mommy is dealing with a chronic illness that has changed life drastically, and our life is not what we pictured it would be at this time in your life. You don't know the difference though. When you were born, we were on top of the world! "Things" may have crumbled underneath us, but you're still our world. You're still the most important person in our life and you always will be. You've taught us so much and continue to do so everyday. We're trying to protect you from what our reality is right now, and to lay a foundation for you that keeps you secure in who you are so that you grow up to be the best you that you can be.

You're stubborn, strong willed, and when you set your mind to something, we can't change it. We let you go with your flow. You have rules and boundaries to follow, but we also give you the opportunity to do what it is that has entered your mind. Your thoughts are your own and your imagination is incredible. So, sometimes, we just have to let you do your thing and figure it out on your own. When you do, and the lightbulb goes off in your brain, WOW, what a beautiful thing that is to see.

We love you forever and ever, to the moon and back........
 

Christmas 2012.

Today is Christmas. We've had a wonderful day and had a good trip this past weekend to visit Blake's grandparents. Unfortunately, a few days before we left, Blake got news that one of his best friends had passed away. The memorial service was wonderful, a celebration of how truly amazing this man was. His generosity, his passion for people with disabilities, his quirky sense of humor..we will truly miss him in our lives and I know there is a huge hole in Blake's heart without him here now. We have now lost 4 close people to us in almost 3 years.  Which seems like a lot, because each one of those people played a role in our life that can't be replaced. Grief is a strange thing when you experience it for so long. Each one is a shock, of course, but......there is a numbness that you experience that clouds life. It's difficult to explain. Throw in a job loss, being forced to sell your house, and then the deaths of your most near and dear and it's hard, it's so hard on your heart..and maybe all of this is coming because we just lost such an integral part of us again. We are thankful that we'll see them again! That's the hope we have through Christ! It doesn't mean that it makes it easier right now, but it doesn't leave us hope-less. It doesn't mean it gets easier, it just gets different. My heart hurts for my dear husband and the losses he has suffered, because he has suffered the most. He is a strong, patient, insightful, longsuffering, deeply spiritual, and well, there really are not enough words to describe how he handles his grief, his stress and his losses.He strives to honor God in everything he does. I wish I could be more like him. I'm sad, so sad, his buddy of 8 years is gone.

Christmas has been wonderful. We have a great day together and I have enjoyed cooking for the family today. I'm going to cook dinner tonight and a pie. Gavin racked up from his relatives, Daddy and Mommy bought him a new bike, Papa bought him his helmet. He was in shock when he saw his bike, and I don't think he knew how to react. ha! It was really funny. He also wanted a trash truck, like, it was really funny, he really, really wanted a trash truck LOL! So, I found one on Christmas Eve at Wal-Mart on our way home from Piggott. When I put it in the trunk, he heard it, it went off like crazy and he goes, "did you buy me a new toy?!!" And I was thinking, ok, don't panic and don't give it away, distract the child! ha! I said, "wellll, hmmm, here's some m&m's!" That's worked.

Papa got a new dog for Christmas, her name is Gracie, she is a 3 year old Basset Hound and she is so so so sweet. Very quiet and loving. Carol's sister Cindy raises basset's and Gracie was her first dog that birthed puppies. She is a cutie, but she doesn't like to have her picture taken!!

Brad, will be forever missed. His death was sudden and unexpected. An absolutely incredible person--who touched so many lives, there really is no way to describe how he helped the Siloam community. I wish I could describe everything, but everything is sacred.

BoBo and Josie. They've been married almost 67 years!

I thought this looked angelic. Just a reminder that Carol was with us in Piggott.

Sara, Blake's cousin. Jay was in our wedding as our ring bearer! Now he is 13!! The little blondie is Emma.

Cindy is Carol's sister, the girls are Blake's second cousins.

GG doing a lot of cooking for the family Christmas dinner. She is the best cook!!!

My sweets finally gets to relax in Piggott. I love it that he had a few days off.

Uncle Walter, Aunt Cindy's husband. Such a great man, along with Cindy, they too have lost many close to them in a short period of time. From children, siblings, to a best friend. Always a joy to be with them.

Grandpa BoBo is doing his job of "taking up the ice." When we left, he had to go to the hospital and be hospitalized for pneumonia and fever. We're praying he can be released soon.

Presents in Piggott!

I bought this adorable knitted Razorback hat at the Farmer's Market for Gavin and Daddy decided to wear it. ha!

Christmas Day today in Fayetteville. Look at that sweet, adorable face!!

The love of my life, right there! Couldn't get through what we've been through without each other.

Gracie! She is a sweetie.


So, what will 2013 bring? 2012 was a year of extreme change. Change on a crazy, crazy level. I'm predicting 2013 could hold some crazy change too. :)

Oh Gavin!

Things Gavin has been saying lately:

Oh, Gorsh (Oh, Gosh) after everything!!! I think he got if after watching too much Goofy. Example, "My hot wheel cars are here, oh gorsh!"

"This toy is a piece of junk" Which it probably is because we've been getting him some toys lately at the thrift store LOL

"Mommy and Daddy are my best phriends"

Last night we went driving around looking at the "Chrikmas" lights, and the old song, "I saw mama kissing Santa Claus", you know that one that's sung by that annoying little kid's voice? Well, it came on and he goes in a loud voice, "What's that noise? WHAT IS THAT NOISE?!!" ha! We were all cracking up and had to explain to him it was a little kid singing. He didn't believe us.

A couple days ago my mom was talking passionately about something and Gavin interrupted and said, shaking his finger, "No, NO, No, that is not right mawmaw! Jesus says...." and then he went off on a tangent about something that we couldn't understand at all. It was hilarious...I just told him, Preach it son!

He's been announcing his farts lately. So when we went to the co-op (Ozark Natural Foods) he farted and said "mommy, I arted in the oo-op!" thankfully, he can't pronounce a few things yet so no one understood except me. I told him we keep those things to ourselves when we are out in public.

We were at the co-op a couple days ago, and he pushes a mini-cart which he loves to do. Every time someone was in his way he would say, "Scuse me, Sanks Yous" and of course everyone thought it was adorable. But he said it about 100 times. He also fills up his cart with things he things we need, which we don't like something I've never heard of and I'll say no, honey, we don't need that and he'll say, mommy, yes, yes, we need this, we really do. Then it takes about 5 minutes for me to explain why we don't need it and then he understands ok, we really don't need this. 

It's getting chilly out and he's refusing to wear anything but short sleeves with gloves and his john deer hat. O, and sometimes a wash cloth on his head as he walks out the door. Don't ask me why, it's just Gavin. Ha! Apparently, his daddy used to do that when he was little, so it's genetic!

We've figured out why he thinks he's still a baby. He calls everything small, baby. Like a baby spoon, or a baby cup or a baby fish. So, because he's smaller than us, he still refers to himself as a baby. Sometimes he'll say he's a big boy, but mostly he's a baby!

He repeats EVERYTHING we say now. Which is hilarious. because he does it to strangers too. He's such a ham.

When he gets disappointed his voice his really sad and he says awwwwww, starts high and then goes really low. It's so sad and funny at the same time.

Meatballs!

Tonight, Blake and I are going to a newly single dad's house and teaching him how to cook for his son. Tonight on the menu is my variation of Italian meatballs with lots of veggies hidden in them, and kids LOVE them!! I'm going to make him a simple recipe book of easy and healthy things to cook in big batches for his little guy so he can freeze them and then pull it out, whippety snap!

Not only have we seen first hand how devastating divorce is for one of our best friends, but also how it's affected his 4 year old. It isn't easy and it brings back memories of when I was a kid going through a similar situation. 

Our friend has taught us a lot too. He's been a wonderful source of comfort for Blake, a spiritual brother, a Godly man who they can talk about Jesus, music, Bigfoot, everything and anything under the sun. I'm just there hanging out with the guys and loving it!!

I'll post the recipe once I get it typed up. It's a variation from the Joy of Cooking (my all-time fave cooking book!)

It's winter break!!!

Well, the first season of the Fayetteville Farmer's Market is over. Whew. As much as I love my granola, love the market, love my customers, and have so much fun doing it, I am SO glad for a break. I average 60-80 hours a week of work on the business. In between those times, I have housework, homeschool, playing with Gavin, errands to run, you know, the typical homemaking responsibilities. This winter I will work on streamlining the bookkeeping process, getting costs down for ingredients, marketing, and doing all of the administrative stuff I couldn't get to during the year. The first 5 years for a small business is crucial, and I'm not counting last year since there was no comparison to this year. I absolutely LOVE my Saturday's on the square. It is my dream. Well, my dream is just starting, but I love being outdoors, watching the sun rise on the square, the comradarie of the farmers and vendors, my regulars coming by every Saturday...love.
I would not have made it without the amazing support of Blake, my helper in the kitchen, lil G, and my awesome friends who have helped me in so many ways!! It's been an AMAZING year!!
I hope during the winter season that I can update the blog too. I have so many pictures to add of Gavin and his adventures!!