Thankful for Thanksgiving

There is so much to be thankful for! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday because it is spent with a lot of the Thorne family which is always crazy fun. We have a tradition where each of us goes around the table(s) and says what we are thankful for in the past year. We have the annual Turkey Bowl (the flag football game), board games--mainly Taboo, and lots of desserts. Just imagine 30+ Thorne's playing Taboo! It gets LOUD and crazy!! I love it!

I'd say that most of all Blake and I are thankful for each other and Gavin. Our lives have changed significantly this year, and will be changing in the coming months. Throughout all that we have our little family-- which is stronger today than it ever has been. Not that our strength brings any more ease to life, but the way we function is closer. Our strength is not of ourselves at all, but by God's grace. In the past year we have been thankful for the joy we have experienced and we have been thankful for the sorrow (now THAT is the hard one--and not something that comes first nature for me!) When we hug and kiss our boy we are so grateful we have him. I know that his presence has given us the focus to not dwell on ourselves (so much) and to keep going.

We wish Carol were here to see how wonderful he is, for her to spoil him rotten, and to give us that motherly comfort we need during this time. (We all still need our mom's!!) We wish G-ma was here so we could call her on her birthday after Thanksgiving and plan our reunion for New Years. I wish Uncle Alan was here so I could have visited him in California too. Even though they aren't here, I can't help but think of Thanksgiving's past and be happy we had that time. Life is a vapor, a minutiae of time, a speck, and fragile. So for today and this moment of time, I am thankful for another day of thanks giving!!!

Gavin's 2nd Birthday!!!

Gavin on his birthday!!!




First house we went to and he started in on the candy!



My mom paid him a visit on his birthday. He loves his granma!



Ready to tackle the neighborhood!


Opening presents! He would freak out with each one, it was hilarious!




Gavin was having too much fun beating the horse, and you can see by his lips he is saying Nooooo to Luke who wants a turn.



The most.amazing.cake. ever!!!


More pinata beating!


The birthday boys!!


I think this was one of his favorite things!


He rode the horse all by himself. I couldn't believe it!





My little cowboy!!


Granpa came to the party and Gavin was SO happy to see him! He loves Granpa!


We had mustaches for the kids. Of course, the adults had to get some stache action on too! LOL


Rachel put together a clothesline of pictures of the boys from newborn to just a couple weeks ago.


The one of Gavin biting Luke's ear had everyone laughing.





We had a surprise baby shower for my cousin and this is the diaper cake I made. It has a bottle of champagne in the middle of it as a surprise!




Happy Birthday to my sweet little man. You are so loving, tender-hearted, sweet, funny, crazy, strong, intelligent, stubborn and wonderful!!

Gavin's birthday was so much fun. He had a joint party with his cousin Luke who is 5 days older than he is. They loved playing together with their pop guns, beating the pinata, eating cake together and opening presents.

This birthday was not easy for us. Initially, we weren't planning on having a big party. There was just no way that we were emotionally up to it. So, my amazing cousin Rachel said she would plan most of it and that was just fine with us. Well, a couple months ago I started to get involved in the party planning and felt like I was in a place where I could actually do something to contribute. I didn't do much, but at least I was able to pitch in and help her. She did an amazing job on the party. I can't even describe how much she worked on this thing, AND she is 35 weeks pregnant with her 3rd baby, AND works part-time as a nurse on the night shift!! I'm telling you, she is incredible!

It really was a wonderful day to spend with the family. I've learned that it's never going to be the perfect family I envision, but it's going to be enough to fill my heart with joy and love. Blake and I wish so badly that his mom could have been there. It's hard to think that this is the first of many of Gavin's parties she won't be at physically, but in spirit, we know she is with us. Last year, his party was the last time we saw her. Sometimes I wonder why it was that day and I feel bitter about it. A day that is meant to be a celebration, now has a sad memory to go along with it. But then, after I process that, I am amazed at the sovereignty of God and how He planned for us to be able to enjoy and celebrate with her on Gavin's 1st birthday. He didn't take her home before the party or at the party, but He gave us that day with her. And that makes me happy and joyful!

It's also hard not to hear G-ma's voice telling Gavin what a sweetie he is on his birthday. My heart hurts every day and sometimes I wonder how I can go on without her.

Thank you Blake for being the best daddy Gavin could have. Thank you God for blessing us with Gavin. Thank you family and friends for loving Gavin so much!!

Pictures with commentary from Aunt Carol

These pictures are from Gavin's trip to Tennessee in July for 10 days! Aunt Carol would send us pictures all the time, these are just the best ones. He was a wonderful traveler for her and he was so good while he was gone, helping with Eli, doing things for himself and being a good boy!!

"I love this pic Gavin is smiling and Eli is saying I'll show you how to drink"

"Mom and Dad I do not know how I possible could be any better looking I'm drinking alot in this hot weather but rest assured it is only water I do not think Aunt Carol believes in Kool-aid"

"Mom and Dad I sure can climb better and I went down the slide all by myself what a blast I'm glad you told Aunt Carol I love Chicken nuggets because I just ate some with peas and carrots I'm glad we got out of the house for awhile tom-morrow we r talking about going swimming what a great vacation I'm having thanks for let me go I'm going to take another bath because I just got dirty today having so much fun that Aunt Carol is crazy about clean"

"We sure loved the fire truck!"

"Loving the sun had to put my shirt on because I do not want to get burned like you. We can not have to red hotties running around the house that is just too much on dad"

"Mom and Dad I'm eating my organic lunch and I'm loving these green peas ha i'm eating little balls.i took a 2 hour nap so I'm feeling really good . Going for a buggy ride with Eli. I'm sharing everything with him I think God is getting me ready for a little sister or something. Love Gavin"

"There is nothing like a snack after you are in the water great vacation"

"Ha Mom and Dad look how Eli is helping me stay in my chair he is lending a hand. Do not worry I'm not drinking and driving. So long until next time mom I sure love green pea"s"

"I finally had to just share my other bottle with Eli he is alot happier now and we are a just a drinking.

I'm showing Aunt Carol that this is my Daddy"

By the grace of God, I'm still here...

My current song that sums up my life...I always have a song that seems to resonate with where I am in phases of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NKUpo_xKyQ&ob=av2e



I'm going to be adding pictures soon from the past couple months. It's been a busy summer~time moves in fast forward these days.
One of my goals for the remaining part of the year is to downsize my life. Downsize where my time goes, things in my house, downsize spending, downsize weight (working on it!), and generally to use the time left for this year as quality time. I'd like to focus on our home more and not so many outside projects.
These days Gavin is growing like a weed, talking up a storm (although it's kinda hard to understand what he says--but he talks to himself a lot!), and loves trains, animals and dancing. He loves to read and be outside. Sounds like my kid!
In this moment I feel very fortunate, blessed, and sad. Losing the most important woman in my life has been difficult and paralyzing. Days where I am ok, and days where I am afraid of my thoughts. I was recently told that "she was my strength and I was hers. She was a lady, and so are you." If I can be anything like her I will be a content being.
So, in a nutshell, there's our life for the present and by God's grace, we're still here.
Pictures following soon....

This season of life.

The hawk that flew over the graveside service, minutes after dad read the poem "Counting Hawks" by my grandmother (a published poet).

The wreath on the coffin was so beautiful. Lillies, which were one of her favorites, and so fragrant, mixed with Magnolia leaves~Aunt Trula, her sister, often painted her signature Magnolia leaves.

The wreath my dad ordered, from the grandchildren, in memory and honor of G-ma.

My dad gave a beautiful eulogy.

Judy, my late uncle Alan's wife, and the Dickson girls.

Gavin, with his buzz cut, kissin' his GG. He LOVES his GG.

Beautiful necklace from Aunt Elaine.

Sick baby, tired Daddy and Yoda.

Gavin and me at the Farmer's Market.

My water baby!!

I admire my dear friend Cathy so much. I want to be just like her when I'm her age--that's how much I am in awe of her. She has a certain phrase that is always with me, "This season of your life."

In this season of life, I just haven't had the time to invest in blogging that I want to, and the perfectionist part of me says, "If you can't do it all the way, don't do it at all," which is just ridiculous! But, that's my mindset that I am working on changing..I've also lost desire in doing stuff like this, unfortunately. I know and hope that in time "this too shall pass."

In this season of life, SO much has happened since we last posted. Most importantly, the loss of one of my best friends, G-ma Dickson. My mentor, hero, confidant, friend, comforter..She was one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I miss her so much...for the first time in 30 years I didn't get a phone call or a card from her for my birthday. I pictured her in Heaven with her voice calling me and wishing me a Happy Birthday, sugah darlin'! I also wished Blake's mom was here to celebrate. She always made birthdays really, really special. Lots of other "trials" the past few months that we will be working through and adjusting to in the future. Through all this, it's been amazing to see how the hand of God has been present. Some of those things have absolutely blown my mind!

Gavin is growing up so much. He's ready to potty train! He is on a trip right now with Aunt Carol for 10 days. We're gonna miss him, but it will be wonderful to get some much needed rest. He is such a good toddler (most of the time when he's not throwing a fit), and so smart. I can't believe he's going to be two in 3 months!

Baseball season is almost over and then we have Blake back! yay! Hopefully we can take a much needed family vacation soon.

Gary is in Honduras and he landed an awesome job with Wal-Mart. We are beyond proud of him!!

In this season of life, I've been reading this amazing book called "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. It's non-fiction. It's all about what Heaven is going to be like, and what it is now. It's an incredible book and has really given me something to meditate on when I am having a bad day. I would recommend it to anyone who has experienced a loss or just wonders what heaven is like. It's biblically based, so it's backed up by scripture and not just what some guy thinks heaven is.

On the agenda for the next week while Bigfoot is gone: relaxing, some granola work, organizing and cleaning the house, journaling, getting mentally and physically on track again!