By the grace of God, I'm still here...

My current song that sums up my life...I always have a song that seems to resonate with where I am in phases of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NKUpo_xKyQ&ob=av2e



I'm going to be adding pictures soon from the past couple months. It's been a busy summer~time moves in fast forward these days.
One of my goals for the remaining part of the year is to downsize my life. Downsize where my time goes, things in my house, downsize spending, downsize weight (working on it!), and generally to use the time left for this year as quality time. I'd like to focus on our home more and not so many outside projects.
These days Gavin is growing like a weed, talking up a storm (although it's kinda hard to understand what he says--but he talks to himself a lot!), and loves trains, animals and dancing. He loves to read and be outside. Sounds like my kid!
In this moment I feel very fortunate, blessed, and sad. Losing the most important woman in my life has been difficult and paralyzing. Days where I am ok, and days where I am afraid of my thoughts. I was recently told that "she was my strength and I was hers. She was a lady, and so are you." If I can be anything like her I will be a content being.
So, in a nutshell, there's our life for the present and by God's grace, we're still here.
Pictures following soon....

This season of life.

The hawk that flew over the graveside service, minutes after dad read the poem "Counting Hawks" by my grandmother (a published poet).

The wreath on the coffin was so beautiful. Lillies, which were one of her favorites, and so fragrant, mixed with Magnolia leaves~Aunt Trula, her sister, often painted her signature Magnolia leaves.

The wreath my dad ordered, from the grandchildren, in memory and honor of G-ma.

My dad gave a beautiful eulogy.

Judy, my late uncle Alan's wife, and the Dickson girls.

Gavin, with his buzz cut, kissin' his GG. He LOVES his GG.

Beautiful necklace from Aunt Elaine.

Sick baby, tired Daddy and Yoda.

Gavin and me at the Farmer's Market.

My water baby!!

I admire my dear friend Cathy so much. I want to be just like her when I'm her age--that's how much I am in awe of her. She has a certain phrase that is always with me, "This season of your life."

In this season of life, I just haven't had the time to invest in blogging that I want to, and the perfectionist part of me says, "If you can't do it all the way, don't do it at all," which is just ridiculous! But, that's my mindset that I am working on changing..I've also lost desire in doing stuff like this, unfortunately. I know and hope that in time "this too shall pass."

In this season of life, SO much has happened since we last posted. Most importantly, the loss of one of my best friends, G-ma Dickson. My mentor, hero, confidant, friend, comforter..She was one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I miss her so much...for the first time in 30 years I didn't get a phone call or a card from her for my birthday. I pictured her in Heaven with her voice calling me and wishing me a Happy Birthday, sugah darlin'! I also wished Blake's mom was here to celebrate. She always made birthdays really, really special. Lots of other "trials" the past few months that we will be working through and adjusting to in the future. Through all this, it's been amazing to see how the hand of God has been present. Some of those things have absolutely blown my mind!

Gavin is growing up so much. He's ready to potty train! He is on a trip right now with Aunt Carol for 10 days. We're gonna miss him, but it will be wonderful to get some much needed rest. He is such a good toddler (most of the time when he's not throwing a fit), and so smart. I can't believe he's going to be two in 3 months!

Baseball season is almost over and then we have Blake back! yay! Hopefully we can take a much needed family vacation soon.

Gary is in Honduras and he landed an awesome job with Wal-Mart. We are beyond proud of him!!

In this season of life, I've been reading this amazing book called "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. It's non-fiction. It's all about what Heaven is going to be like, and what it is now. It's an incredible book and has really given me something to meditate on when I am having a bad day. I would recommend it to anyone who has experienced a loss or just wonders what heaven is like. It's biblically based, so it's backed up by scripture and not just what some guy thinks heaven is.

On the agenda for the next week while Bigfoot is gone: relaxing, some granola work, organizing and cleaning the house, journaling, getting mentally and physically on track again!

We've made it through the storms...

There are times when violent, scary, nervewracking storms are going through the area, such as we've had recently, where we don't know what's going to happen, what kind of destruction there will be, if lives will be lost, facing the unknown and putting our trust in God's hands to carry us through. Then, we wake up the next day to a beautiful dawn and sunshine. This morning I woke up with this verse in my mind, "weeping may endure for a night, but joy [cometh] in the morning." Psalm 30:5b
We are making it through the storms.

Things that we love about Gavin...

Gavin's first Popsicle he ate all by himself!

• He is hilarious! He makes us laugh which can make a bad day turn around or make a good day even better.
• He loves to read. His new favorite thing to do, clothed or unclothed (LOL), is to lay in bed and read, then sliding off of the bed and get a new book, and then climbing back on the bed. Repeat about 100 times.
• He knows when it's bath and bedtime and doesn't fight it. In fact, after he is all clean and has his PJ's on, he will go to his crib and wait for us to put him in it.
• He is shy and coy, but also very outgoing and generous with hugs and kisses.
  
• He's friendly! Anytime a car goes by, he waves. When he meets someone new he gives them his scary jack-o-lantern grin.
• He is good at playing by himself. At this age, he can entertain himself for an hour while I do dishes or cook. What a difference from when he was little!!
• If we are listening to music, he starts dancing like crazy. If it's classical music or opera he waves his hands like a conductor (I have no idea where he got that!). If a song ends he starts clapping. We love how musical he is!
• He loves to be outside and help in the garden. And, he loves to smell the roses in the yard or any flower.
  
• He likes to pray. It's so cute to watch him bow his head and look up to see if everyone else is doing it.
• He's usually a good listener--but once in awhile he decides to be defiant, actually, those days are starting to happen more now that he's a toddler!
  
• He puts himself in timeout! If we tell him he's in trouble and to go sit in timeout, he does it. Then he comes back and tells us he's sorry with a hug and a kiss.
  
• He loves animals! Maybe a little too much...he gets so excited with Dash and Yoda, chasing them around the house that they get a little scared of him!
  

This is just a short list, but I felt the urge to write about him so I wanted to take advantage of it. I love being a mom. It's so fulfilling! There are days when it is difficult, but usually those days are because I am not taking care of myself.
Most nights Blake and I look at each other and wonder what we did to be so blessed to get Gavin. The truth is, we didn't do anything, we were given a gift.

Our Sons

We were finally teased with a sunny day last week, so we called upon the services of JD Andrade to shoot some new family pictures for Gavin's 18 month mark. Thanks JD.





Saturday night, we threw a graduation party for Gary and his friends. It has been a busy year for the Walton scholars so we were excited to have them over one more time. We are proud of Gary and all the Walton seniors for their accomplishments over the last four years. It was our intention to be a blessing to them...what we discovered is that they were a greater blessing to us. Gary, thank you. Our lives overlap with certain people for a purpose...sometimes for reasons which are revealed slowly over time.


It's a cold, rainy day in NWA. What happened to Spring? It sure would be nice to be under the Caribbean sun right about now.

-b.h.r.

Leave of Absence

I think I might be taking a little break from the blogging world. At least, that's how I have felt lately. Who knows, I might feel like blogging tomorrow...or next week, or next month...Blake is doing a great job contributing and he is such a good writer. I have really enjoyed his posts. We've been experiencing life as people who are putting one foot in front of the other. It's kind of hard to explain....other than, it's really hard to care about anything except for our friends and family, our values, our time together, and digging deep into the feelings & emotions we are experiencing right now.

Mind's Eye

Sometimes the best images are in our minds. The picture is perfect in our mind's eye. A 2D image does not do justice to the depth of our imagination. So imagine a toddler, a flyswatter, and galloping cats. That's what occurs in our home on a Saturday morning in April 2011. These days are of great value...remembered forever.

Fran is at the SS farmer's market this morning. Her first. Thirty-nine degrees, sunshine, and a heart of a determined entrepreneur. Cheers to you mrslocalgranolabaker.

Meanwhile, my plumbing skills and some assistance from my young apprentice have hopefully fixed a leak under our kitchen sink. The responsibility of a homeowner once made me shed tears. Now I just chuckle, grab some tools, crank the Ben Rector, grasp an opportunity to teach (myself and Gavin), and work on the money pit.

-b.h.r.